Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
