also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I am available for nakedness
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
