I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
