It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
