you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
