I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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