that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
