Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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