after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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