So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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