The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
