I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize