dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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