Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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