Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Drake has all the answers
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
