I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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