all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
