After last night, I could never be a politician.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
