Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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