I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
