It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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