man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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