Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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