i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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