omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
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