id be glad to
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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