id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
