WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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