i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
