I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
