If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
