no, he came in my armpit
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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