uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
