dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
