oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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