I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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