They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
