I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
