You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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