I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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