I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
