Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize