My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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