she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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