Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
