My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize