She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
