I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
