there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
