If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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