you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
