but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
