u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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