would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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