Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
