Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
