he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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