Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
