i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
