You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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