we made out on top of his cat.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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