so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
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