Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
operation harelip BJ is a go
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
