It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
