TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We're too hungover to prance.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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