my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
