as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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